Horse Connection

Kip Mistral

As the HC survey (pg. 44) about The WOW Factor demonstrates, most of us have probably had experiences when we have met a horse to which we have been extremely attracted. Maybe the horse is tall and elegant, athletic and powerful, or maybe he’s your favorite color. Maybe he is not any of these things—in fact maybe you think he is a bit ugly. But there is something you can’t forget. Maybe your trainer is saying No! But your heart is saying Yes! This horse is saying something to you.

Well, maybe he is. Because here’s a thought…have you ever wondered if that horse you are attracted to might be attracted to you, too?

We pose a few questions about these possibilities to noted author, teacher and horsewoman Linda Kohanov, author of the bestselling books The Tao of Equus and Riding between the Worlds, who for 15 years has been researching the horse-human bond in her pioneering work
in the fields of Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy and Experiential Learning.

When we feel deeply attracted to a particular horse, have a real affinity, is there a deeper meaning beyond the face value?

L.K. For a lot of people, horses represent freedom and spirit, a connection to beauty, power, vitality, and soulfulness. A horse can reflect this for a person through the way he looks or moves. But a person’s attraction to a horse can also be about objective things. Maybe the horse fulfills this person’s criteria for breed, or size, or gender, or training in a certain discipline, or experience in the show ring. Maybe the horse is physically everything the person is looking for and passes a vet check with flying colors. All of that supports an attraction, but this level of attraction can still be one-sided. The horse can represent the promise of goal fulfillment, power, and mastery, while remaining emotionally disconnected from his rider---and vice versa. At this level, it doesn’t matter which person buys him; it’s more like a business relationship.

Can that attraction work the other way around?
Is it possible that horses might be magnetized to human individuals as we are magnetized to them?

L.K. Absolutely. A horse can choose a person. I see that happening all the time. And that’s when a real connection is made. The person reaches out and the horse reaches out in return. If you watch, you will see that a horse will gaze at a person he’s interested in making a deeper connection with, making strong eye contact. He will literally walk up to the person he resonates with and join up with this person without all the usual protocols, looking longingly, sometimes even calling out to this person as he or she walks away. Your own stallion, Val, is gentle and engages kindly with other people, but anyone can see by the way he looks at you that there’s something different, that the two of you are very close.

The WOW factor sure happened to me. I’m a great example of someone who has lost her head over a horse. Five years ago I did what almost anyone would say was a reckless thing, but I bought Val from a video! His expression was so sweet, I had to have him. I went on pure gut instinct. But I lucked out and was right; that is his greatest quality. He is the sweetest horse I have ever known.

About romantic human relationships, it is said “opposites attract, but likes should marry.” When we are attracted to horses, are we attracted subconsciously to aspects of their personalities that might get us into trouble? Or, conversely, put us in a position to have a harmonious relationship?

L.K. Let’s go back for a moment to our original concept that a horse might reflect some quality of a person that he or she would like to develop more fully. Quite often with new riders, it’s that wild, free, powerful, joyful, pioneering spirit he or she suppressed to a certain extent to succeed in business. But here we need to separate the symbol from the reality. We need to be a bit more discerning, for our own safety if nothing else. Quite often, I’ll use the example of a really flamboyant rider with a short attention span choosing a really flamboyant horse with a short attention span. This horse and rider combination is downright dangerous. In this case, it would be helpful if the rider chose a quieter, more seasoned horse to balance his or her more exaggerated side rather than buying a horse who reflects this person’s strongest, unschooled characteristics! A calmer horse paired with a flamboyant human has the marvelous potential to create a more focused, yet energized—and consequently more successful—team. Here, the human is learning to focus his own wild energy through his interactions with a seasoned horse who already knows how to channel his power in constructive ways.

The horse and human attraction and connection has the potential to be a real symbiosis, a two-way street, doesn’t it?

L.K. The human’s initial attraction to a particular horse is the first step. But, again, that attraction can be one-sided. True connection, in which the horse and human are mutually attracted to each other, and truly thrive in each other’s presence, is a whole other level of engagement. If this person is interested in competing, authentic connection is the edge that wins. We’ve all seen it at shows, though we may be at a loss for words to describe it. If a horse doesn’t trust his rider (and vice versa), it’s really visible in a performance. When a horse and rider have a strong bond and are interconnected, it’s also obvious. Connection, engagement, passion, trust, joy, and mutual fulfillment, those are the elements that add up to the WOW factor from the audience’s point of view.

Beyond surface attraction, relationship takes dedication and time. The only shortcut is when the horse is innately attracted to his rider from the beginning, and the rider not only respects this, but revels in it, treating his horse as a valued partner and friend. You see this occasionally: The horse quite obviously reaches out and chooses the rider he prefers to be with by paying more attention to one prospective buyer over another, sometimes actually allowing this person to make mistakes in riding or handling that wouldn’t be tolerated in anyone else. With a horse who doesn’t have a strong opinion about which human he wants to work with, this mutual respect and engagement can be fostered over time, but it takes patience and openness, the ability to draw out and nurture an emotional connection. For people who believe that horses are virtual machines, of course, this is impossible. But the promise of emotional engagement between horse and rider---that’s what creates passion and soul---that’s what draws many people to the barn to begin with. Over time, an authentic, mutually empowering, mutually nourishing connection becomes more important, and feels much more rewarding, than any ribbon or trophy that you could win. Yet oddly enough, when you have this connection, you’re much more likely to win.